Wednesday,April 25th
9 a.m.,somewhere in Europe.
It’s funny I woke up without my alarm clock ringing today…ooh..I know why,I promised myself I’d go jogging today. Okay…I’ll do it,I promise…today I will…I haven’t been out jogging for a week or so…I hate waking up in the morning.
I get out of bed,I can’t eat a thing,I read somewhere in a magazine that if you want to burn more fat you’re not supposed to eat before your cardio training…so…no food for me at this time of the morning,just some drink,and that’s all…I finally get my gear on,running shoes and everything,and I decide to get out of the house.My boyfriend comes from work,but there’s so little conversation between the two of us,he hasn’t slept all night and I just woke up…so…guess we’ll talk later!ok….off we go…
I get my cd player from the car and I head for the park…Everything’s still in a daze,there’s the sun shining,but a soft morning breeze is blowing…The traffic’s already crazy!Thank God I’m not in my car!People are passing me by,as they hurry to get to their offices,kids are going to school,old people come from the marketplace and some head for the park to take out their nephews on a stroller ride.I start admiring the view in the park…the wild ducks on the water are swimming along with their newborns…this is about the cutest image I get this morning…I have to start running….I am running running running….other joggers are passing me by,I bet they’re all wondering why I’m running so slow,or they’re probably make fun of me somehow…men are probably kidding about the size of my rear end….stop it!It can’t be true!It’s just in my imagination,people are minding their own business…I can’t do it..I’ve been running for almost 15 minutes and I already can’t do it anymore…What am I?Some kind of idiot?Everyone else is running like one park tour at least…I can’t anymore,I’m out of breath,my feet seem like melting into the ground…damn…I’m gonna stop…no ,I can’t stop,I have to run,I have to keep running…no..I can’t do it…
ok…I “win”,I stop running after only 15 minutes!LOSER!I’m a loser!Loser!
I keep yelling inside my head as I go back home…I know I have to do some arm training and some abs training….as well…It goes a little bit smoother…but maybe I’m not forcing myself enough!…damn…I’m no good at physical exercise!Ok!So I’m done with that for the day!I want to take a shower,but it seems that the water company is against me today as well,there’s no hot water…damn!I’ll wait…wait…and be patient…
I’m hungry…but I can’t eat,no Sir!I’m not SUPPOSED to eat until 2 hours have passed from the training,otherwise I’ll put even more pounds on me!So I get to the computer,I try to occupy my mind with something…look for some acting jobs,for some translating jobs…for any jobs…I’m a little bit short of money this week…so I’d better find something!
Oh,there’s a friend calling me on the ym,he says there’s a new audition at some theatre… I should go,but …of course,as always,I have nothing prepared.I don’t have a monologue,I can’t remember any poems,so….should I go or not?That is the question…
I can’t go,I won’t go just to make a fool of myself in front of some big shot theatre director again!That’s it ,I’m not an actress,I don’t know any monologues so I won’t go…this is all stupid…
No,I have to go,I will go and tell him that I don’t have any monologue because whenever I am trying to find one I can’t seem to find the right one,the one that suits me!The one that represents me!Daaamn!I’m gonna go make a fool of myself….
I get into my car,I’m going!I’m definetely going.So what if I’m not on the list?I’ll just go and get myself on that list and I’m going to go in there and say what I have to say to make myself noticed…somehow…I have to do it….ok…there I go…
It’s a great thing the traffic’s awful today as ever!I am so sick of driving,so sick of people cutting off in front of me…I’m in no mood for this so called audition…
TO BE CONTINUED
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